Monday, March 8, 2010

On second thought..

At first I was angry. "Are you frickin kidding me? Right there? I just wanted to stand here, look out the window and relax for a minute...and now I have to watch this? Gross."
Then I had another thought. "Hmm...I guess I should be happy they're not doing it on MY roof."
I sipped at my water and resigned to be happy and not let it bother me. What did it matter, they were in love.
As I turned from the glass and went to go make lunch, I decided that yes, I would in fact be glad that the pigeons weren't mating on top of my house.
I'm glad we have neighbors.


"What's your AFSC?"
"I'm a 1A2X1."
"Really? That's pretty sweet. Do you get your wings for that job?"
"So when did you do SERE?"
"Two years ago...they've changed it since then. It was really good though."
"I'm sure. I've never been to Fairchild but I'd like to go. So you're a three-level or a five level then?"
"Five. But I'd like to commission."
"I heard that you get to keep your cell on you during OCS."
"We do."
"So you're in school then? Do you get BAH? Because I'm in school and I'm trying to figure out how to get it."
"As long as you're full time you should get it."

This weekend I worked down in the Springs for the military.
It was good, I was able to escape the overwhelming darkness of reviewing physicals documentation and instead do the eye review.
"Okay, go ahead and look inside, you're going to see a series of steps with a number on each one and a dotted line that goes across and intersects with one of the steps. Which number is it?"
Blank stare. "Huh?"
"Look inside."
"Oh, okay. It goes"
I look down and annotate their answer on a sheet that definitely looks really scary with a ton of decimal numbers and terms.
"Alright, exophoria"
"Wait. What does that mean? Are my eyes okay?"
Most of the day I spent stifling smiles and keeping a straight face while I convinced Reservists that no, this wasn't going to fail them out of the service or keep them from deploying shortly.

"It just means you have no depth perception at all. Do you ever walk into door frames, stop signs, or hit curbs while you drive? I'm just kidding...this test isn't very accure, it only really determines if you can discern depth up to a millimeter, which a lot of people can't. You're fine."

"Have you thought about strengthening your prescription?"

"Cover one eye for me please."
"Which eye?"
"Either one, doesn't matter. Good. Now look at the dot on the center of this grid and tell me if you see any waves, curves, or blind spots on the sheet."
"Okay. Now look for the green frog at the bottom of the grid. Do you see it?"
"No...I don't see a frog."
"It's little...see it yet?"
"No...*pause. Where is it?"
"That's okay, it's kind of hiding. Good job, that's all I needed."
"Where was it, at the bottom of the grid?"
"Actually, I was kidding, there's no little green frog, I've just been in this room a long time."
*Relieved laughter from a very concerned Lieutenant Colonel.

When was your last appointment? Did they polarize your retinas?"
"Good, if you said yes then you'd have to explain what it means because I have no idea. I just made that up."

"So it looks like everything's good, but there's something I'd like to throw out there, just if you're interested. It's called 'Keratomilleusis'."
*a pause, then the question.
"Okay, what does that mean?"
"Well it's a surgery where part of your cornea is literally shaved off of your eye. You have to stay awake for the procedure, so you'd have to see the whole thing being done."
"And you think I need that? Why, what did you see?"
"Actually, no. Your eyes are just fine. I figured it might be something you would enjoy. There's absolutely no reason for you to have it done, but it could be one of those experiences that turns into a conversation starter or a really good story. It costs thousands of dollars, but it might be worth it. You should think about it."

"No, no, say which line you're going to read then read it."
"Which line?"
"The lowest one you can."
"Can I squint?"
"That's not cheating?"
"No it isn't."
"Where's the number?"
"On the left of the line."
"Which line?"
"Whichever line you're going to read."
"Most of them are too blurry."
"Read one that isn't."
"With or without squinting?"
"You can squint."
"Oh, then I can read almost all of them."
"Good! So try...line 9a."
"I can't read it."
"How about...line 8. Can you read that?"
"I can read 9a if I squint though."
"Okay, good. Go ahead and read me off the letters."
"Uh....*pause. Still too blurry."
"How about line 8. Can you try that one for me?"
"I can, but I'll have to squint to see some of the letters that look the same."
"No problem, just go for it. Read off the line to me."
"Uh...C-D-H-V-O, K-E-F-Z-N."
"Great! You read both lines correct."
"I was squinting the whole time."

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